The Stand Up

[OTKLogan]

The Stand Up-OtkLogan


Linda Gold was a funny girl. And that was a good thing since that’s how she made her money. A good bit of money for the twenty-eight year old woman from Baltimore. Yep, you guessed it. Linda was a comedienne and a very good one.

In the last 5 years, she had worked her way up to headlining and commanded a low five figure payday for 5 shows a weekend. Her big break was still on the horizon but she was honing her skills every week across the country.

Linda was well-respected by the male comics and many of them praised her style and writing ability. The truth was all of them praised her amazing body and super-model good looks. It was only a matter of time that Linda would break into the world of endorsements, sitcoms and movies. She just needed that big break.

Tonight, Linda was headlining in Rochester at the Laugh In Your Face comedy club. She took a leisurely drive up from Baltimore and looked forward to working a new club. The five hours passed quickly as she listened to her new audio book of “50 Shades of Grey”. Nothing like a hot, erotic novel to pass the time. Pure fantasy. She loved it.

Her first two nights, Thursday and Friday, were full. Not sold out, but well represented. Saturday night, however, the word spread and the place was sold-out. Both shows.

Murph, the manager of the club came in the her tiny dressing room and congratulated Linda on her drawing power. She also knew that a sold-out night meant a bonus in her check at the end of the night. That was something she was getting used to.

The emcee for her three nights was a young local comic, Benny Bush. He was smitten by Linda’s amazing looks and incredible timing and talent. He followed her around like a puppy asking for tips and advice. Linda was kind but firm enough for him to get the hint that nothing was going to happen this weekend in the passion department.

Her featured act was a sad case of too much fame too soon. It was Chick Simmons. If you watched TV in the 90’s you knew exactly who he was. He starred in “Oh, That Boy”. A sitcom revolving around Chick and his family who lived in a trailer and won the lottery. Think Beverly Hillbillies meets All In The Family. It ran for 5 years and made Chick a millionaire at the age of 30. But this was the 90’s and he bought too many drugs and too many houses and too many marriages. He lost everything. He was now relegated to being an opening act for five hundred dollars a night and felt obligated to repeat his signature line: “Is it me or am I crazy but…” insert joke here.


But this night, both Benny and Chick murdered the crowd. They were smokin’ hot.

And so was Linda. She was dressed in a short, tight, hot red dress that clung to her like a second skin. She was perched on 5’ heels that took her to an even six feet tall.

“Please welcome to Rochester, one of the fastest rising comics in the country, Linda Gold.” Benny shouted.

The applause exploded and the wolf whistles and whoops shook the table.

Linda scanned the crowd that was lubed with drinks and pre-show joints. They were ready to laugh.

“Hello, Rochester.” Linda exclaimed. The crowd screamed their enthusiasm with applause and more whistles.

“Damn, I should come here every week.” More eruption.

As Linda looked over the audience she spotted an amazingly handsome man in the front row sitting alone at a table. He was gorgeous. Linda walked over to his side of the stage.

“Hi, there. How are you tonight?” Linda asked the GQ modelesque customer. He nodded and bobbed his head up and down.

“Who are you Mr. Ed reincarnated? I asked how are you” Linda moved her hand as if she was “signing” her question. “Are you a fucking mime who can’t afford the make-up?”

The crowd loved it. Mr. Gorgeous laughed and said: “I’m fine.”

“Fine. Is that your last name? Like the Three Stooges? Larry Fine? Or is that your attitude. Like, ‘yeah, I’m fine.’ Because you are. You are F I N E fine.” Linda said as she rubbed her hands over her breasts.

The audience went nuts. But the man she was showing this unwanted attention to wasn’t comfortable at all. “I’m fine. I’m good. I feel fine.” He said, blushing.

“You want to feel fine, buddy, grab ahold of this.” Linda said as she turned her back to the audience and slapped her right cheek. She bent over toward him. “Go ahead. Squeeze ‘em.”

The reaction was pandemonium. The man was now glaring at Linda.

“Ok, ok, look, let’s start over. Ok? Truce.” Linda said hovering of her victim.

That broke his stare and he relaxed. “What’s you name?” Linda asked.

“James.” The man responded.

“James. I like that name. And what do you do for a living, James?” Linda probed.

“Uh, nothing.” James said.

Linda looked out at the crowd and let the microphone dangle from her hand.

“Did he just say, ‘nothing’? I asked: ‘what do you do for a living and you said ‘nothing’? Well, I just have to ask: how do you know when you’re finished?”

A minute and a half of laughter and applause stopped Linda’s show. As she soaked in the adulation she looked down at James and couldn’t help but think how hot this man was. James, however, wasn’t so amused. His six foot plus frame tried to shrink in his seat. But Linda was finished with him.

“Obviously, you are a wealthy man, James. You do nothing. But it seems you’re here alone. Am I correct?” Linda said getting closer to the edge of the stage. The closer she got the more handsome James became.

“Yes, I’m here alone.” He answered firmly.

“Hey, gang, want to play a game?” The reaction from the crowd said they did.

“Ok, let’s play “Why Is James Alone?” Ready? Here’s your first choice. James is alone because, A: he is socially awkward? B: he doesn’t shower?” Linda sniffed in the air above James and gave the maybe so maybe not motion with her hand. “Or C: he’s gay.” Her hand and wrist went limp.

The floor actually shook from the laughter and kicking up and down of a few hundred shoes.

“I think we have a winner.” Linda said. “Tell them what James won.” She said in a game show announcer voice. “James won a lifetime supply of Anal Lube. When you want to be up to your elbow in lust.” Linda thrusted her arm into the air with one swift motion.

If an entire room could be rendered hoarse by laughter Linda accomplished it. She continued to use James as her verbal punching bag then effortlessly slipped into her routine. Finished her set and was made to do a ten minute encore.


After her show, she had her merch table set up and sold out every CD and DVD she had to sell. That made her an additional twelve hundred dollars. She took the last picture with three of her new fans , grabbed her glass of red wine and walked to her dressing room.

As she opened the door, she stopped in mid-stride. The wine sloshed in the glass.

There he was. Sitting in one of the three chairs in the room in front of her make-up mirror.

It was James.

Linda’s heart jumped.

He was Clooney and Pitt rolled into one. Iron jaw. Great thick blond hair. Full lips. Glowing eyes.

“Hey, James, fancy meeting you here.” Linda said in a confident voice as she tried to ignore her heartbeat.

James stood up and crossed his arms. He was taller than she expected. Well over six foot. Even in her heels she had to look up. Closer to six four. Broad, strong shoulders.

“That was quite a show you had tonight. You’re a very funny lady.” James said leaning against the table.

“Thank you” Linda said basking in a complement from a hot guy.

“But you are also a very rude lady. Why would you do that to me? I was looking forward to seeing your act and instead I had to endure your insulting, politically incorrect barrage on me and my sexuality.”

He was not a happy man.

“Puh-lease. Really? Seriously? You can’t take a joke? You’re a grown-ass man, James. I was having a little fun.”

“At my expense. I didn’t appreciate it. I want an apology.” He demanded.

“Ap. Ap. Apology? Are you fuckin’ serious? Piss up a rope. And get the fuck out of my dressing room.” Linda said walking toward him.



As she took a stride to get past him, her ankle turned on the spiked heels and her arms flew into the air. The glass of wine tumbled from her hand. The four ounces of cabernet spilled as if in slow motion onto James’ suede jacket and white silk shirt.

Linda fell into James. He caught her before she could fall onto the concrete floor. The glass shattered. “Whoa, are you alright?” he said as he lifted her up.

“Get your fuckin’ hands off me. I’m fine.” Linda said but before her words disappeared in the air she saw the damage the wine did to his clothes. “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit, is right. You know, I think I’ve had enough of you tonight. You need someone to take you down a peg or two.”

The words hit Linda’s heart like three gallons of Red Bull with a case of 5Hour Energy as a chaser. What did you say?” Linda said.

“You heard me. You need to be taken down a few pegs,” He said as he tried to dry his jacket with a few napkins that were on the make up table.

“Give it a shot, big man.” Linda heard herself say as she straightened herself as tall as she could muster on an aching ankle.

He looked up with a five alarm blaze in each eye.

But she continued.

“You didn’t have the balls out there to say anything and you don’t have the balls in here to do anything. So get the fuck out.” She said pointing to the door.

James said nothing. He slowly took off his jacket and walked toward the door. He closed it and hung the jacket on the hook and faced Linda.

“Hey. Look. James.” Nervous laughter, or was it fear, leaked out of Linda. But before she could decide which it was she found herself being flung into the air.

James had, in one motion, grabbed Linda by the arm and sat down on the armless chair against the wall then threw her over his knee.

“This is what you’ve needed for a long time and I’ll bet no one had the balls to do it. I will agree with you there. But, girl, I do.”

SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!

“Holy shit. Owwwww. No way. Stop….”

SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!

Linda couldn’t synthesis this fast enough. She was being spanked. Like the woman in the audio book. But only this hurt like hell.

“I’ll stop when I’m good and ready.” James said continuing to slap the round, shapely bottom that was held tightly in her red dress.

SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!

“I don’t hear an apology.” He said.

SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!! SMACCKKKK!!!!!!!!

“You’re not going to get one, you bastard. OWWWWWWW…….”

“I’ll stop when I think you’ve learn your lesson.” As James announced his plan, he grabbed the hem of Linda’s skirt and yanked up. “You need serious attention.”

“No, no, don’t you dare. Pull my dress down. Noooooooo…….”

What James revealed was a full, round bottom that was now an angry pink covering both plump, toned cheeks that were bisected by a red thong.

“I’m not finished with you, girl.”

James pulled Linda toward him and got a solid grip on her waist. His arm raised and landed with a loud resounding SLAP against her left cheek. He continued in an unpredictable cadence. Linda’s legs kicked up and down. She grasped for air and her fists pounded his legs. There was no way she could get away.

“Owwwww oowwwwo ooooohhhhhhhhhhh, no no no nonoooooooo, please, stop. Dammit. Oh sweet Jesus, James, stop.” Linda could feel her body slowly rebelling against her brain. She felt a tinge of wetness between her legs.

James was in the zone. His only concern was to transform a sassy, foul-mouthed woman into a sobbing, contrite little girl. And, it was working.

“Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I can’t take any more. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I really am. James, please, I’m sorry.” Linda knew she was near tears.

His hand made its way to her upper thighs. Too tender. Too crisp were the spanks for Linda to hold back any longer.

“Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, James, I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I will. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ‘sniffle, sniffle’ I’m so-so-sorry.” The flood gates opened.

He stopped. Her cheeks were crimson. Her upper thighs an angry red. His job, accomplished. But he could see her cheeks clench and her hips slowly push against his hard thighs.

James picked Linda up and put her on his knee. He rocked her back and forth. “Ssshhhhhh, shhhhhhh, it’s ok, baby. It’s ok. It’s over. Shhhhhhhhhhh.”

Linda sobbed into his shoulder. She felt chastised. Contrite. Well-spanked. Wet.

Her heart was slamming against her chest. Her cheeks throbbed and were burning.

She sniffled and said: “I’m really sorry, James. I apologize. Please forgive me.” Her shoulders trembled as she continued to sob.

His strong arms tightened his embrace around her and he said: “All is forgiven, Linda. All is forgiven.” He continued to rock her. She held onto him and nestled her head into his neck.

James patted her bottom. “Up with you, now.” He stood her up. She turned toward the mirror. “Oh holy shit, look at my butt.” Her hands tenderly touched each swollen cheek. “Ooooooh, so hot. They’re burning up.” She turned sideways as if to admire James’ work.

Linda slowly pulled her dress over her freshly spanked bottom. “Ow o wow ow o wow ow ooooh, Mister James, you know how to spank a bad girl, don’t you?”

James looked down at the wet spot on his pants and sadi: “Apparently.”

They both chuckled as Linda dried her eyes and began to freshen her make-up.

“So, now you can tell me, what do you do?” Linda said looking at him through the mirror.

As James started to answer, Murph, the club manager knocked/walked into the room. “Hey, there you are. I was looking for you. I have your check..oh, I see you’ve officially met James.”


Murph looked over to James. “So what did you think? I told you she was amazing.”

Linda turned to face Murph. “You know him?”

Murph nodded. “Yeah. Sure. You don’t? I thought you knew who he was when you started messin’ with him.”

“No. No, I don’t know who he is. Would somebody like to tell me?” Linda said as she unconsciously rubbed her left cheek.

James Cheshired a smile.

“Linda, this is James Morgan, Chairman of the Laugh Channel. He books all the stand-up specials and is responsible for almost every successful stand-up comic in the country. He also is part owner of The Universe Casino. Well, now you know. I’ll leave you two here for awhile to get to know each other.”

Murph left.

James looked over at Linda: “Well, he blew my surprise. I have an offer I’d like to discuss. It’s a three show special package plus six months in your own room at the Universe Casino in Vegas. Care to sit down and talk about it?” He motioned to the chair next to her.

“No, thanks, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll just stand up for this one.” Linda said trying to rub out the sting. As she soothed her cheeks, Linda thought she wouldn’t need to finish that audio book. It was going to be a nice, long five hour drive with a lot to think about as she alternated cheek to cheek the entire ride home.

[sgtjoe]

Good one, Logan!

[babygirl]

EXCELLENT as usual Logan.....and i sooooooooooo wanna be Linda

[NovusImperatrixScorpio]

Quite the fun story! I enjoyed it.

[sirthomas]

Great Story......and attention to detail!

[Often123]

Well, Linda seems to have learned her lesson, and something else about herself along the way. I really liked the fact that only James' hand made this happen. More like this one, Logan!

[fFhappySpanks]

Great story!

[eve]

And ya know...taking that deal ensures a red bottomed, standing O at least 3 more times.

Course, Linda's the one that'll be standing...and Oh! will undoubtedly be sniffled at time or two.

Like your style, Logan.