Who knew? Attempt at a very short story

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goodgulf
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Who knew? Attempt at a very short story

Post by goodgulf » Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:43 am

Who knew?

Casey pressed her nose hard into the corner. Tears ran down her face. Only the tiniest silver lining existed: she hadn't been forbidden to rub her bottom so her hands worked frantically, trying to rub some of the sting out.
Today had been a learning experience. Variations of a single phrase echoed in her mind: Who knew? The phrase rolled around, collecting more facts as it went.
Who knew that a belt could sting so much?
Who knew how boring it was to face a corner?
Who knew that he could take down her slacks?
Who knew that he would he would pause mid spanking to yank down her panties?
Who knew that he would stand her bare bum in the corner?
Who knew that her future father-in-law would react that way to her cursing?
Who knew that he'd spank her over nothing?
Who knew if she'd ever be spanked again?

Standing there, rubbing at the sting, Casey could only hope that the answer to that last question was known. That her fiancée was the one who knew the answer to it and that his answer would be "Whenever Casey deserves a spanking".
Crying and rubbing at her throbbing bum, Casey began to hope that when it came to giving a saucy little miss what she deserved, that the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree.

Goodgulf

imreadonly
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Re: Who knew? Attempt at a very short story

Post by imreadonly » Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:10 am

I quite like this -- using a repeated structure, almost like verse, to do a slow reveal of the desired information. Plus a nice twist at the end -- good job!

goodgulf
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Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:02 pm
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Re: Who knew? Attempt at a very short story

Post by goodgulf » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:33 am

The structure was more or less determined by the word count - I was shooting for under 500 words.

A slow reveal can tease, and teasing can spark the reader's interest. Without the slow reveal this story would have been a sentence long. One sentence could have easily conveyed all the information in the story, but it wouldn't be as entertaining.

For example:
After her future father-in-law strapped her for curses, Casey faced the corner and wondered (no, hoped) if her fiancée would spank her as needed. - same info, no story, just a statement of fact.

Goodgulf

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